2012-07-11 01:03 am (UTC)
If I'd been fast enough, I'd snap a photo of the SUV. Ideally including the license plate.
I posted the diaper photo to Twitter where it was well received. They've all seen photos of SUV's before.
2012-07-11 01:46 am (UTC)
The photo of the diaper is certainly the way to show the incident happened. The photo of the SUV might be used to identify the perpetrator.
Agreed. License plates are handy for reuniting garbage with the people who lost it and are doubtless worried sick about it.
"I'm Batman, and this diaper's load is going back up _someone's_ ass. It can be yours, or your kid's. Decide."
I don't know Kyle. I'm not sure The Batman would say anything. I think he'd just shoot a harpoon-type dealiebob out of the Batmobile, pull the SUV back, haul her butt out of the car and make her pick it up. You know, because he's Batman. *shrugs*
I am with dd_b, ya should have gotten an identifying picture of her car. That way everyone would know who the evildoer was.
People do the most appalling things with dirty diapers. Throw them in parking lots, leave them behind in fitting rooms. I walked into my local taqueria a few months ago and first smelled, then spotted a used diaper thrown in the plant stand right by the front door. I alerted the staff that they, regrettably, might want to clean it up right away because being greeted by the smell of poo does little for one's appetite.
What stuns me is the thought process here. "This smells disgusting. I don't want it in the car with me smelling things up. I know, I'll leave it in a public place where it can gross out many people, as long as it's not me!"
I'm all for putting the license plate on line.
Not Batman, but "You forgot to throw the SHIT out of the car!"
"Holy scat, Robin! Did you see that woman just throw that soiled butt napkin out of her car window?!"
What is this shit?
Not sure this is Batman-y as I am no expert but, hey...
A mind boggling event for sure.
The Adam West version of Batman would have snapped on rubber gloves (from his utility belt) over his bat-gauntlets, carefully picked up the diaper and put it in a plastic bag (also from his utility belt), removed the gloves, disposed of them in the bag, and sealed the bag. Then he would have carefully spray-disinfected the ground, very methodically.
Next he would have hopped in the Batmobile, chased down the perpetrator, pulled her over, handed her the neatly sealed plastic bag, and said, "Excuse me, Citizen, I believe you dropped this. Littering is a crime in Gotham City."
Then he would have turned and walked away.
I'm pretty sure most people wouldn’t dare to throw a dirty diaper out of their car window while Batman was watching.
However I happen to know that when they do.. he raises an eyebrow, nods almost imperceptibly, and quietly says “Thank you”. He then waits until the car disappears out of sight.. at which point he picks up the dirty diaper, tucks it inside his boot, then drives home at bat speed (or trundles along casually - depending on his mood at the time and whether he's wearing socks).
Upon arriving back at the cave, he adds the new acquisition to his existing pile of dirty diapers that he’s been meticulously collecting from environmentally irresponsible people all over the world for the last six months - a pile towering over sixty feet tall and twice as wide, sitting inside an enclosed receptacle constructed from a bulletproof odour inhibiting material made specifically for this purpose - then quietly goes about the rest of his day.
Then at the end of the year, on Operation Diaper Day (which has become tradition at Wayne Manor), he gets together with Alfred (and, occasionally, the cat) to come up with a brilliant solution to the question "But Batman, what are you going to do with a year’s worth of dirty diapers?". And although he lives in hope, he's not sure he'll ever top 2006's masterpiece- the Cloud Gate sculpture in Chicago - which unbeknown to the hundreds of people who visit it daily is actually made entirely from a year's worth of dirty diapers (the diapers of course having gone through a top secret process to modify their molecular structure then meld them into shape) Who knew diapers would turn out to be so shiny when polished, right? Batman knew, because he's a kickass recycler.
This is my vote for the win.
I'm not Batman, but I'd just toss that nappy right back through her window. Grrrr.
Batman would put the diaper under the front wheel of the car. And step back. Irony always rocks iron.
He would say,
He would press a button on his gauntlet, which would deploy the Bat Diaper-rang, which has a fecal magnet in its exoskeleton. It would pick up the diaper. He would then say, "Go."
The Bat Diaper-rang would then fly up to the SUV's windshield, Batman would press another button on his gauntlet, and the magnet would turn off, dropping the diaper onto the SUV's windshield, exploding like a bad, bad piñata, and the Bat Diaper-rang would return to Batman. At which point, he would say, "Stop."
Because you rule, I took a few minutes out of my lunch today and made this
.Edited at 2012-07-11 11:07 pm (UTC)
Sorry for the ginormitron image folks - switched to a link to not kill the page.
You are so freaking good.
Well it's crap art (done supah fast while dodging work related 'drive bys') but I thought you might get a kick out of it.
He would stand in front of the car until it stopped. When the window was rolled down he would Thrust his fist with the dirty diaper into the face of the driver ad say, "You dropped this." Then he would drop it in their lap. Then he would say, "Littering is a crime. Have a nice day."
"Are you retarded or something? I'm the goddamn Batman."Edited at 2012-07-11 04:05 pm (UTC)
Citizen! Your lack of compliance with the social contract is appalling. I will serve you justice in the form of a truckload of trash on your doorstep!
"Excuse me, Citizen. You can't just leave that shit laying around."
I would have surreptitiously attached a GPS device to the van, had Oracle track it to her home, and leave the stinker on her doorstep ala that money guy he grabbed from Asia in the last movie.
One suspects the Batman would hit his utility belt for an electomagnetic pulse gun. It was developed from basic research on creating circuits resistant to the EMT pulse of nuclear explosions, a routine part of the defense contracts done by some of the Wayne subsidiaries. As it happens, his Mark V is capable of a tight enough focus that it can fry the electronics in the SUV without affecting other vehicles more than forty feet away. The fact this gun looks like a fairly advanced cell phone, and takes a tidy picture of its target, is adequate for now, but he would like to miniaturize it further.
So the engine of the SUV sputters a bit and dies, and the vehicle rolls to a stop and then... because the power windows and doors cannot be opened by teh panicky owner, the Batman would provide them with egress (possibly involving a pointed object to break it open) and then a dirty diaper is returned to the parent of the original owner, possibly in an unpleasant manner. This is aside from the reactions of the infant in question, who has probably provided yet more bioweapon fluids in the war of stinkies.
Possibly all this happens with sound effects rendered as, "KAPOW!" and "SPLAT!!"
It's quite handy to make a vehicle stop at will, no?
Edited at 2012-07-12 01:32 am (UTC)
"A new villain was in town, Dirty Bottom, and, I, Batman, knew I was the only who could track him down. Keeping Gotham City clean was my main priority."
Edited at 2012-07-12 01:44 am (UTC)
Batman, with Robin riding shotgun, swoops over the Offending Object in the Batjet while deploying the Street Cleaner Disinfectifier Claw.
Offending object seized, our heroes fly over the SUV.
Batman pushes the release mechanism.
SPLAT!!! The Offending Object dumps its contents across the SUV and into the open window.
ROBIN: Holy Shit Batman! A direct hit!
BATMAN: Yes Boy Wonder. Keeping our streets free of offending debris may not be the most impressive duty. But it just may be the most karmically rewarding. To the Batcave!
Walks over to SUV window. Taps on glass and smiles sweetly, indicating to roll the window down. "You dropped this." ::drops into lap, mucky side down.::
Been there, seen it done (my dad, with a tar covered cigarette packet, in a traffic jam. My friend with a dirty diaper dropped into a farm yard. You should have stuck with the *baby* pooh, lady!)