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Cloche but no cigars - if you can't be witty, then at least be bombastic [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
kyle cassidy

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Cloche but no cigars [Jan. 7th, 2013|12:22 am]
kyle cassidy
[Tags|]
[mood |accomplishedaccomplished]
[music |U2: Where the Streets Have No Name]

I hate to say "yesterday the party was on Facebook" but the party was kind of on Facebook yesterday. And for this I partly blame LiveJournal for still not having a useful iPhone app.

Anyway, I went out running yesterday and got a cramp in my calf the first 1/2 mile. I ran through it but after mile 4.5 it was obvious the cramp was winning and I was losing so I ground to a halt and checked my phone (like you do) trillian_stars had texted to say that I needed to go to the Army/Navy surplus store and get something for the Nephew for his birthday. He's 14, you know, he likes the kind of stuff they have at the Army/Navy surplus store, like guys do forever.




Running in a graveyard with a Neil Gaiman hat Kitty sent me



So I posted to Facebook asking for advice and there was a lot of it and it was relatively consistant and pretty hysterical ("big knife, swiss army knife, trench knife, night vision goggles, butterfly knife....")

So I limped down to the Army Navy store smelling like a sweaty hobo while Trillian got on the Amtrak to New York to go to a birthday party.

I wandered around the basement of the store, sniffing a bunch of vintage wool trench coats, trying on helmets, asking if they had any bigger bayonets, trying out fishing nets and whatnot. Once I got the presents in hand I started home and by this time it was night.

I was whistling a happy tune and strolling through Philadelphia enjoying the evening when out of the corner of my eye I caught a sign that said:

ARTISANAL CHOCOLATES AND CLOCHE HATS

And I knew this was some sort of husband test -- this was a store that didn't exist during the day or for other people passing by, it popped up from fairy land right there because it needed to be there for me -- like E.M. Forester's Celestial Omnibus or the Phantom Tollbooth. I stood and looked through the window at the trays of chocolates being dusted by elves, the hats being fitted on mannequins that could be living heads by glowing skinned willows with unnaturally long nails and I went in.

"Give me your finest chocolates, and your roundest cloche hat," I said (still in a track suit, smelling like a hobo but now carrying a bag full of mothballed Korean War camouflage netting, five cakes of expired shark repellant, and a signal canon.)

They smiled knowingly and put my chocolate and hat into a box.

On the bus on the way home a woman with a bag of knitting and a Downton Abbey box set got really excited when she saw my bag from ARTISANAL CHOCOLATES AND CLOCHE HATS. "Oh my," she said, and launched into a monologue about chocolate. It was a pleasant ride home and I felt buoyed by the thought that I'd done a good job at being a person that day.

That night I cleaned the house and I worked on some magazine articles that I needed to finish and Roswell played with the box.

The next morning Trillian came home and she opened the box and put on the hat and we went to the birthday party, smelling of mothballs, fancy chocolate and love.




Clickenzee to Embiggen







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Comments:
[User Picture]From: chamisa
2013-01-07 05:32 am (UTC)
This entire post was so awesome I just don't even know where to begin commenting.

But oh my, that cloche! It is so perfect!
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[User Picture]From: kylecassidy
2013-01-07 05:35 am (UTC)
it's a pretty nice hat isn't it! It's got some ... stuff ... on the side too.



Clickenzee to Embiggen!
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[User Picture]From: valya_dl
2013-01-07 05:39 am (UTC)
It's a gorgeous hat! Perfect for Trillian.

You did well.
xxo
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[User Picture]From: chamisa
2013-01-07 05:42 am (UTC)
Love it--I'm really drawn to that 20s style. It looks fabulous on Trillian.

Edited at 2013-01-07 05:42 am (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: primless
2013-01-08 10:17 pm (UTC)
LOVE.
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[User Picture]From: kylecassidy
2013-01-09 04:23 am (UTC)
oh yay! primless!!
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[User Picture]From: coffeeem
2013-01-07 05:37 am (UTC)
You, m'dear, are officially full of win. Nice job.
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[User Picture]From: kylecassidy
2013-01-07 05:42 am (UTC)
Aw, thanks! Hope to see you soonish. Next month perhaps?
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[User Picture]From: coffeeem
2013-01-07 03:03 pm (UTC)
We promise not to go anywhere. Let us know! There will be rejoicing and single malt!
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[User Picture]From: calendula_witch
2013-01-07 06:47 am (UTC)
This is one of the most charming things I've read in like forever. Thank you! :-)
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[User Picture]From: daisybliss
2013-01-07 07:29 am (UTC)
A magnificent story, made infinitesimally more magnificent by mentioning The Phantom Tolbooth.
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[User Picture]From: jess_faraday
2013-01-07 07:33 am (UTC)
That was a lovely story. Made my evening. Hope the kid liked the shark repellent =)
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[User Picture]From: mizkit
2013-01-07 09:04 am (UTC)
I got to "And I knew this was some sort of husband test" and started laughing so hard my two year old became mildly concerned about me. *laughs and laughs and LAUGHS*
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[User Picture]From: sassy_54
2013-01-07 12:54 pm (UTC)
That story made my morning. Well-written, perfect imagery, humorous and charming. Thank you :)
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[User Picture]From: adam_0oo
2013-01-07 02:49 pm (UTC)
Hurray for shopping adventure!

Your Army Navy store has way more cool crap than the ones around me. Mine have some camping gear and lots and lots of sneakers.
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[User Picture]From: small_chicken
2013-01-07 02:52 pm (UTC)
I've always wanted a cloche, but I'm just not sure they'd look right on me.
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[User Picture]From: ladycelia
2013-01-07 02:58 pm (UTC)
I think that every city needs an artisanal chocolate and cloche shop!
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[User Picture]From: solstice_lilac
2013-01-07 04:40 pm (UTC)
Here only to say that I love this post, and thank you for writing it -- and I hope your leg is feeling better.
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[User Picture]From: kylecassidy
2013-01-07 05:22 pm (UTC)
it's feeling 75% better. i'm going to, as the roller girls say, "skate it off!" today. we'll see how that goes. i gave it a day to stop complaining.
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[User Picture]From: ratphooey
2013-01-07 05:25 pm (UTC)
Everything about this is made of win. And unicorns.
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[User Picture]From: kylecassidy
2013-01-08 05:13 pm (UTC)
some days the universe conspires to do awesome.
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[User Picture]From: girlguitarist
2013-01-07 05:31 pm (UTC)
If you don't win husband of the year, you at least win husband of the month. The two of you are sweeter than the chocolate you bought her :)
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[User Picture]From: katbcoll
2013-01-07 08:47 pm (UTC)
You sir, are wonderful. The story was fun and Trillian looks smashing in that hat!
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[User Picture]From: pickleboot
2013-01-08 04:37 am (UTC)
that store sounds magical. i think i need to find one as i love cloche hats, and chocolate is a must at our house. we are working our way through several tins of roses, and the rest of the english chocolates and sweets my mother in law sent for christmas, but a shop that sold chocolate and cloches would wonderful. add yarn and that would be heavenly.
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[User Picture]From: kylecassidy
2013-01-08 05:14 pm (UTC)
when you are most in need of it, the store will be there.
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[User Picture]From: ardentdelirium
2013-01-08 05:16 pm (UTC)
I'm so envious of Trillian! I love hats, especially cloches, but my head is too small for anything but custom hats (too big for kid-hats) and I don't have the budget for custom!

also, ooh, chocolates.
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