kyle cassidy (kylecassidy) wrote,
kyle cassidy

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momcat2 -- movie reviewer

Momcat2 uses her psychic powers to read the brain of Daniel S. Levine, executive producer of the 2006 remake PULSE:

Levine: I've called you all here to talk about a movie. I just saw the freakiest horror movie, it was called Kairo, like the corn syrup. Dang, that thing just about scared the pants off of me. But there were some problems with it. First of all, it wasn't in english and how scary can something be if it's not in ENGLISH? so, first of all, we need an American cast. The Japanese cast were a bunch of moody 20somethings working in a flower distributor. Let's make them ULTRA HIP TEENS IN COLLEGE. And let's have them dress really sassy. And let's have lots of rock music!

Now, the Japanese version of this movie is really creepy. For like two hours it's really creepy. That's unsettling, and there's no room for rock music. Here's how i'm going to improve on it -- I want you all to add SIXTY CATS JUMPING OUT OF CLOSETS. Yes, this movie doesn't have nearly enough cats jumping out of closets. Because, youknowhatimsayin, THAT SHIZNIT IS SCARY!!! like when the hallway is dark, and there might be a ghost in there and someone's walking down it and it's dark, youknowhatimsayin, AND THEN A FREAKING CAT JUMPS OUT OF A CLOSET!!! it's like scary and all!

So, find me some actors. It doesn't really matter if they can act, just send me people with flat midriffs. Okay? Y'all know what you have to do. Now, LET'S MAKE A MOVIE PEOPLE!!!


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