One morning Roswell was at her usual post, gallantly protecting all who lay sleeping within the manor, when she saw something so gorgeous, so astonishing, she could not believe her eyeballs.
It was a cat. At least it seemed like a cat. In fact from the belly up it was damn near the most wondrous (and wondrously hot) cat Roswell had ever seen. He was black and white, with a perfectly shaped head and ears pointing straight to heaven.
And yet, from the belly down…. Well. Rather than having a luxurious set of hind legs and a tail that curved like a come-hither smile, this cat had… fins. Long green sparkling scaly fins, trailing down to the ground like a skirt so fashionable even Ms Trillian Stars would have worn it. But in a totally hot, masculine kind of way, of course.
But how could this mer-cat walk at all, especially in West Philadelphia?
He was not walking, she realized then. He was gliding. And as he glided, his mer-cat hips swayed back and forth, back and forth John Travolta style, in time with Roswell’s heart.
Instantly, she was in love.
In the room behind Roswell, Hennepin rolled her eyes. Roswell was always falling for the wrong dudes, she thought. Figures she’d go for this flashy, tacky mer-cat being chased by some sort of sea devil. Probably got the sea devil’s wife pregnant, Hennepin thought.
It was at that moment that Roswell was able to tear her eyeballs away from the mer-cat and see the sea devil for herself. She gasped, all her aesthetic sensibilities assaulted at once. Not even in West Philadelphia had she ever seen so much lack of fashion on one creature.
But as I am already almost to 300 words, you will have to imagine such an atrocity for yourself.
Without hesitation, Roswell leapt through the window, which shattered glamorously behind her in a gentle spray of glass. As she began racing toward the sea devil, she realized that she was suddenly underwater! Who knew I could run so gracefully underwater, she thought, and that I could breathe underwater, too, with no problem!
Luckily for her, and for the mer-cat, and for love generally, she was able to have this many realizations while also chasing the devil.
What love makes us capable of!
And that brings us to the end of this romantic tale.
Roswell caught the sea devil in her bow-shaped mouth, and immediately the sea devil transformed into a giant red sea rose, which Roswell held out to the mer-cat, who was now gliding towards her, his big black eyes full of love and desire…..