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What do you fight a ghost with? - if you can't be witty, then at least be bombastic [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
kyle cassidy

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What do you fight a ghost with? [Sep. 26th, 2016|10:45 pm]
kyle cassidy
[Current Location |amtrak: 85 mph through the heartland]
[mood |accomplishedaccomplished]
[music |Amanda Palmer; Smile]

So, I’m staying at Amanda Palmer’s house, and it’s big, and we’re both on slightly different schedules, so I’m here alone a lot, in the SpookyHouse doing Top Sekrit Things (that are not Top Sekrit if you are part of her patreon) and this afternoon I go back to the house and I notice there’s a towel laying on the floor in my bathroom where I didn’t leave one. And I realize that it’s a folded towel that was on a shelf when I left. It’s just jumped two feet to the floor. And I’m really puzzled. And then I notice that there are two rolls of toilet paper laying on their sides that were previously stacked up. And then I notice a washcloth also on the floor.

Was there an earthquake??? I think.

Then this is starting to freak me out. I start to notice stuff all over the place that’s been moved slightly or has fallen over. There’s a trail of magazines spilled out of piles and sofa cushions that weren’t where they were….

Is Amanda doing this? Why would Amanda do this? She wouldn’t do this. She’d leave half a banana on the kitchen counter, or a teabag in the sink, but she wouldn’t pull out three National Geographic’s and shove them into a boot.

It’s a goddamn ghost! I think. I’m staying in a freaking haunted house! Something has come up from the spooky basement and moved things around. Not a lot, but everything’s just a bit off from where it was.

So then I'm all like What do you fight a ghost with? You can swing a baseball bat a ghost all you want and it's just going to shoot ectoplasm at you or crawl out of your TV and scare you to death or whatever. Like you need to call an exorcist or something, or solve the riddle of it's untimely death or whatever.

And I’m seriously worried for like five minutes, wandering around the house looking at all the stuff that moved until I realize that there’s a baby living in the house and that they crawl around and knock stuff over and shove fistfulls of oatmeal into your socks. This is, in fact, their job.

This is how my brain works.





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Comments:
[User Picture]From: lawbabeak
2016-09-27 03:37 am (UTC)
You know, some people would prefer the thing crawling out of your TV set. ;)
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[User Picture]From: rivervox
2016-09-27 04:55 pm (UTC)
My first guess was a cat, followed by Ash. When you have kids, you never know what you're going to find.
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[User Picture]From: alyngodes
2016-09-27 07:11 pm (UTC)

Yay!!!!

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[User Picture]From: intelligentrix
2016-09-29 03:32 am (UTC)
Ghost, baby, cat... Fighting any of them would be a bad move, imho. Cats, on the other hand, would probably come out ahead in any ghost confrontation.

Of course, it might not be the baby after all... I suggest seeing up camera traps all over your room*, just in case.

*I almost said all over the house, but camera traps + curious baby = possibly pissed off Amanda.
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